Are there ‘Caregrifters’ in Grandpa’s house?

My 83-year-old stepfather, Sam, was the victim of caregivers in his own home. I now refer to them as “Caregrifters,” for they were con artists from day one. He liked them, personally (most con men are quite charming), and his dependence on them made him physically and emotionally vulnerable. While John and Lorraine did not physically abuse Sam, they increasingly isolated him, convincing him that they were his family. “We’re the only ones who truly care about you,” they would say, adding, “your stepdaughter [yes, they were talking about me] wants to throw you in a nursing home.”

Sam had Parkinson’s disease, and the two caregrifters took advantage of his diminishing mental capacity. They bought themselves groceries when they shopped for his, put their personal cars on his auto insurance policy, even signed up for procedures at Sam’s dental office, so that he would cover the expense, thinking the charges were for his own fillings and dentures. And, of course, John wrote himself extra paychecks and forged Sam’s signature. He drew an extra $60,000 in five months before the abuse was stopped. How it stopped is another drama.

Sadly, Sam’s story is not unique. More and more of our elders are falling victim to such abuse. If you feel something may be wrong at a parent’s or grandparent’s house, trust your instincts!

Here are some red flag warnings of financial elder abuse or “undue influence.”

1. You’re never left alone with your loved one for a private conversation. After you leave, the caregiver may tell you that Mom/Dad was agitated or upset by your visit.
2. Your loved one is “unavailable” to talk to you on the phone and doesn’t respond to (or even receive) his/her personal mail.
3. You discover items missing from your loved one's home. (They needn’t be expensive…even small items are an indication that something is wrong.)
4. You discover that certain financial matters are unattended – bills left unpaid, bank statements piling up, taxes ignored.
5. You offer to help with financial transactions (paying bills, doing the banking, etc.) and are told that “everything is under control.”
6. You are denied information about your loved one's care -- the doctor won't talk to you; caregivers fail to notify you of hospitalization or other serious issues.
7. You have a key to the house, but it doesn’t work anymore. The caregiver gives you an unlikely excuse for the change of locks.

If you’ve seen a few of these red flags, it’s probably time to contact Adult Protective Services. Search for your county or state program on the Internet. If you need help with financial oversight for a parent or grandparent, give Safekeepers a call at (661) 254-1242.